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God's Will

Tuesday, 28 July 2009 20:41 Christine and Kevin
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Over the past eleven days much has happened.  Maggie and Max have finished their first year of swim team.  The birthdays of Mia and Christine have been celebrated.  Another of the children that we have been praying for has died; rest in peace Mary.  Several of the children that we know and have mentioned before, Elizabeth Grace and Marit are in serious need of prayers as both are in ICU.  A dear friend, through Catie’s Story, needs prayers for her adult daughter who is recovering from brain surgery.  We have seen and heard from many friends who we have known over the years and as always it is so good to speak with you again.  We have even begun more work for the future of the Catie’s Wish Foundation.  We have passed the six month mark without anyone mentioning it.

Last Sunday, Kevin and I took M.E. with us and attended the viewing for Mary Coppa Coffey.  We have prayed for this little girl for the past few months.  We met her mother in May at a Remembrance Mass held for families who have lost children.  Mary’s mother, Felicia has told us that she was strengthened by Catie’s story.  Felicia asked everyone they knew to pray for the intercession of Catie to heal Mary.  As I walked through the church and looked at the photos of Mary I was struck by the thought that Catie and Mary were two of the blessed ones.  Each of these precious innocent girls, Mary and Catie, died in full knowledge and understanding of how very much they were loved and by whom.  They both are now in heaven with God their Father, whose love they came to understand in baptism and continued to understand through the love of their families.

This struck me so much.  Mary’s grandmother also struck me with her words.  Upon meeting her Mrs. Coffey said, “Your daughter is the one who proclaimed herself to be a Saint.”  I immediately wanted to correct her or being more gentle clear up any misunderstanding.  At that point another thought struck me, how many of us live, love and serve the Lord in our daily lives and never think about our eternal lives.  Shouldn’t we?  Should we be planning on doing more to change the things that we are passionate about here on earth after we are in heaven?  Is that possible?   

On our trip home Kevin was relaxing in the ride while I was all stirred up with thoughts.  I was trying to figure out how to bring all of these thoughts together and how to share them with Kevin.  Well, true to my style, I just blurted it out – “Kevin I think I understand what God is telling us to do?”  “About what?” Kevin asked.  “About all the children who are dying without knowing the love of God,” was my answer.  Kevin would have stopped had he not been cruising down the PA turnpike.  “Are you crazy?” was Kevin’s next response.  “No,” was mine.  Over the last week it has been something that has continued to be the source of my thoughts and prayers.

I shared my ideas with many people.  The Groves, Father Keith and our family shared dinner last week and all discussed the idea.  Time and discernment is needed.  Later last week I shared the idea with my parents.  One of my father’s comments was it would be very difficult on me.  I think my response was “Like Catie’s death wasn’t?”  Later that weekend the idea was again shared with several of our friends from Malvern.  So I will ask all of you reading this to pray for me and for my understanding of God’s will in my life.  This may be where God is calling me – first I’d like to finish raising the Fab 5.

So all that is what was keeping me busy last week and Kevin was equally busy with his things.  Is being busy a good thing?  Not always.  One of the things that I have learned throughout the past six months is that grieving, like death, happens whether you are ready or not.  Some of us go through life and never realize how precious or fragile life is and one day death comes and life is over.  Some are consumed with death, either their own or that of a loved one; being focused on death will neither delay death nor hurry it along.  So we spend time and energy wondering how the children are, they need you when they need you.  Their needs, like grief, can’t wait and can’t be scheduled.

Kevin was away last week.  Being away when birthdays are being celebrated and the children are being difficult it not easy, nor is it easy when you are grieving to be away from the very people who help you through your grief.  Kevin was only away for three days and yet not once in those three days did anyone provide an outlet for Kevin’s grief.  So when Kevin returned he needed us and yet he wanted to be there for us – can you do both?  Not easily.  The transition was hard on all of us.  When someone you love is hurting you want to understand it and fix it or blame the person or reason that has caused it.  At least I do.  This didn’t work out like that.  Time is what Kevin needed and the weekend schedule didn’t allow for time.  The weekend was packed with places to go and people to see.

The first stop was Friday when we dropped four of the kids at my parent’s and took Mia with Kevin and me into NYC.  When you are an O’Brien girl and you turn seven you get your first American Girl doll.  As Kevin was away for Mia’s birthday we decided that it would be neat to go into New York City to the store and let Mia pick out what she wanted.  She, of course, wanted to get something for Catie’s doll, Sarah and for Maggie’s doll, Maria.  Then she focused on herself.  She wanted a doll that likes everything she likes.  So Mia’s doll, also named Mia, has a bikini and loves to swim.  How disappointed Mia was when we told her that her doll could not get wet?!  “Then why does she have a bathing suit?”  I had to keep reminding myself that Mia is just seven.  As soon as the shopping was done so was Mia’s fascination of NYC and so we made a mad dash out of NY and arrived in Morristown in time for Vespers with Abbot Giles and the monks at St. Mary’s Abbey at Delbarton.

As we arrived home earlier than we had planned there was plenty of time to catch up with people in my parents’ neighborhood.  One of my parents’ neighbors have four teenage sons, three that love and enjoy all the energy and excitement that five young kids provide.  One of their sons needs prayers; he has as many eating issues as Catie did during chemo.  Please pray that tonight he and his parents all sleep well.  While there are frustrations and concerns when your teenager is out for the night and you are not sleeping there are just as many when a child is home and you are not sleeping and neither are they.  Prayer is the answer.

After a brief visit at their home we walked up the street to visit Megan.  She and her sixth grade class gifted us in a most loving way.  The children of the sixth grade class at St. James collected coins and money originally thinking that they would give it to the Catie Fund and then they decided that they wanted to give it to the Fab 5 for us to go out and share a memorable night.  We asked Megan to join us and we are making plans to do just that in the end of August. 

We then traveled back to PA were we met with many of our wonderful friends from Malvern at a party hosted by the Orr Family.  On Sunday, a Mass was said for Catie at St. Columbkill and we were glad that we were able to be there.  Again we were surrounded by the love that comes from God in the form of family and friends.  Wherever we are able to celebrate mass, we are home because we are all part of God’s family.  What a blessing.  Candee thank you for all that you have done.  You are one among many but this weekend your efforts stood out.  There are so many amazing and wonderful people who have become a part of our lives and we are grateful for all of them.  We thank God for each and every one of you and you are all in our prayers.  In addition to those already mentioned please pray for our son Max’s friend, Jeff and Kevin’s sister Kathy.  She is recovering from surgery after breast cancer.

Next on the agenda is Molly’s fifth birthday and the summer continues.  Last night, we were treated to a magnificent sunset, (yes, more magnificent than the last 20 absolutely beautiful ones).  Right alongside of it, there was a rainstorm that we had watched make its way to us from miles away.  The kids were entranced.  The combination of rain and melting sunshine was mesmerizing and so indicative of life.  It is our choice to embrace the sunsets, the rain, or both.  In all of it, God is there.  May your friends be like the sun as it rises in its might.  Judges 5:31

 

Praying that you make time to appreciate the fragile and precious folks who share your life,

May God bless you and hold you in His tender and loving embrace,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, and M.E.

 

Continued Hope

Thursday, 16 July 2009 21:37 Christine
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There are many of you who have followed us silently reading our updates and praying for us.  We are grateful for all your prayers.  There are also those of you who have written to us, visited us and called us offering your support – thank you.  There are those of you, so very many of you, who have offered us financial support through your donations to Catie’s Wish and to St. Jude – what a legacy, not just for Catie but for all of us.  Each and every action or prayer is seen by Our Heavenly Father and has provided us with so many daily and momentary miracles – more than any of us imagined as this journey with Catie began last year.

I have witnessed so many blessings and healings.  A grandmother with a cancerous tumor, was told that any treatment would only prolong her life, has been cured.  A miracle for all of us indeed!  How many of us have prayed and requested one thing or another – not even for ourselves and felt disappointed?  I have.  The feeling was a daily part of my life in Memphis, as I alone was the witness to Catie’s life.  Please God heal her!  Then when Catie herself told me that she wanted to take care of the other kids should she not live – somewhere in that selflessness I felt a miracle.  Catie understood that we all, no matter how strong our faith is, need examples or role models of faith and strength to follow.  At seven, she was willing to offer herself for others.

A friend struggling with their mother, who is living with dementia – (How does that work?  The body of the person you love and who brought you into this world, is with you and their mind is missing.) offered prayers that God would spare Catie and take her mother, in Catie’s place, as she felt that is many ways she had already lost her mother.   For with each phone call and visit she wished for a glimpse of a memory to share with her mother; always hoping that there will be one tiny thing to give her peace.   Today and every day she calls her mother she continues to hope that her mother will remember.  Today as we all remember Catie we continue to hope that we have the eyes of faith to see the tiny miracles that perhaps Catie is responsible for each day.

Last night another child we have been praying for died.  Again overcome with grief the tears fell and the children gathered round to provide comfort.  Understanding is not a part of this, hope is.  This morning the following thought occurred, what if Catie was providing so many tiny miracles for all of us and existing in heaven watching us to see our reaction only to realize that we were not paying attention to what she was doing.  Why is it that a miracle has to be a healing?  M.E., at three, is capable of seeing a miracle in the sunset.  There M.E. sees Catie and each night tells Catie how beautiful her sunset is and how much M.E. loves and misses Catie.  M.E. doesn’t question why Catie did not intercede for another child.  She simply delights in what is here for her; what is here each evening is the sunset.  This morning a very thoughtful friend sent an e-mail telling me about her experience with last night’s sunset and how perfectly our home was “perched” for the perfect view of the sunset.  It is true we have an awesome view of the sunset and each time we see one we think of Catie.

Every time Catie painted at St. Jude she painted a sunset because they reminded her of home.  Why is it that I would rather be able to share a miraculous healing?  Isn’t that God’s job and decision?  Catie cried in France as we were boarding the plane to return home because she was afraid that she had let us down by not being healed in the waters at Lourdes.  Is that why the tears fall because I want to spare another mother from having to walk in these shoes that I have been walking in these past few months?  Yes, it is but it is not up to me.  The only thing that is up to me is my level of hope and trust in God’s plan.  Today is a new day.  It will be filled with dozens of frustrations, joys, hopes and dreams.  My plan is to share it all with my children and do my best to see all the tiny miracles that God or Catie may have for us.  Join us won’t you?

On Monday, after we had written that we went to the movies to see MY SISTERS KEEPER we received a few comments, many asking if we were crazy.  There are times we question that too.  The following is the only answer – knowing what I am facing is easier than a surprise these days.  If there is a movie about cancer or a caring bridge update chances are very good that it will be about pain, suffering, the unknown, the fear, the hope and ultimately the surrender to God for healing and help.  The life that I used to live was not focused this way, nor is life focused that way for many of us.  Or is it? 

Is the need for prayer – communion or communication with God needed or a necessary part of each of our lives and is it just the case that some of us understand this and others continue to search out alternate answers?  There is one soul, literally, whom I have prayed for since the first day he scowled at me.  (I have been told it his way of smiling, tough as that is to imagine.)  He questions everything and doesn’t seem to give much consideration to organized religion.  As far as I can tell everything is between God and him – very private.  If that works for you great, but I would think if that worked for you – really worked you would have less questions.  My main concern for him revolves around his children.  As far as I can tell children learn from example.  They love to imitate – at first actions, and as they get older words too.  Eventually finding their own way in this world; how will that work for them if their example is a father that seeks everything in private?  Where is their example?  Aren’t we human and as humans don’t we need each other?  Simply put if Adam had everything he needed wouldn’t the Bible have ended at its beginning?  I think we need each other for most things.  One of the main things that I have found that I need from others is comfort and when that is not enough I need others for prayer too.  Catie’s funeral would not have had as comforting an effect on me if there I stood alone in prayer or even if it was just the seven of us.  Catie’s funeral comforted me because others shared my prayers, joined my prayers and  offered their own for me.

Is it true that prayer is something reserved only for the holy rollers?  If you are a Holy Roller do you really have nothing better to do?  Or is the truth that you have found that there is nothing like prayer in your life?  Or is prayer reserved for the desperate because they have no other options.  Every once in a while each of us is blessed to come across someone who seems to “have it all” and they give all the credit to God.   How rare is the sports star who blesses himself before batting, or after the touchdown, or when the twenty foot putt is sunk?  How rare is it to come across a Hollywood star speaking of their faith not their politics?  How rare is it to see a family eating out with heads bowed in prayer before their meal? How rare is it to find a wealthy person giving beyond even their abundance?  When any of us witness this aren’t we witnessing God actively working in the life of another?  When we turn to God in prayer and share this aren’t we doing the same?

Again I ask you to join me in prayer for the families of the children at St. Jude and other children’s hospitals across the country.  Again I ask you to pray for our children and for your own.  Again I ask you to simply pray to see all the miracles each day that God has prepared just for you because you are God’s children.  Prayer is the difference.  Last night my heart was breaking with the news; while it is still new to me I know God has a plan.  The scriptures contain so many words of comfort for all of us.  If you don’t know any by heart, hopefully these will give you peace.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  You have faith in God; have faith in me.  In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places.  If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.  (John 14:  1-3)

“Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy.”  (John 16:20)

May your day be filled with peace and joy and a loved one to share it with,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, and M.E.

 

Two looks at the same week

Monday, 13 July 2009 21:04 Christine and Kevin
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Good evening Catie followers,

 

Kevin-

When Christine and I wrote our presentations for Engaged Encounter (weekend retreat for engaged couples’ marriage preparation), we often looked at the same event and wrote about it from each of our perspectives.  We offer this update in the same format.  This past week offered more anniversaries of last year’s roller coaster including Catie and Christine’s departure for St. Jude.  I can close my eyes and see Catie with her new haircut that she received the night before they flew down to Memphis and remember her tears as her ponytail was cut off.  Perhaps the rubber band holding her hair hurt her, perhaps the thought that unlike her previous hair “donation” to Locks for Love, now she was the one with cancer, perhaps the idea that as cute as her new hairstyle was, it would soon give way to baldness as her treatments began; whatever the genesis, her tears stung my heart.  Later that night, the tears had stopped and the 1000 kilowatt smile had returned and Catie’s aunt KC snapped a picture of her smiling and hugging me that causes me to smile and cry every time I see it.  (if you go to catiesstory.com and click on the photos tab, it is one of the first pictures on the site.)  By the next morning, our family was separated.  Through the overwhelming kindness and generosity of so many at home and in Memphis, we survived our time apart and are now back together minus one beautiful 7 year old, who God willing we all will be joining her one day.

 

What this week represented more than anything else for me is that the journey never ends.  As much as it began a year ago, it really began when Catie was conceived, or when Christine thrilled me by saying “yes” when I asked her to marry me, or when God planted us together in 5th grade and I fell in love with her the first time.  The end, like the beginning, also has no definitive point.  Even Catie’s death, now 166 days ago was not an end, but a bend in the road.  A road that leads home to God and a reunion with Catie and all those who have pre-ceded us.  IF WE BELIEVE.  The difficult part this week is that at times, the journey can be exhausting.  The temptation to give up, to stop being a part of the battle to eradicate Pediatric cancer through prayer and research, to go through the motions of life without really living it is strong.  Because there never seems to be an end, there is no acceptable time for relaxing or taking a breather.  There is always another something to do.  That is where faith must fill in the blanks.  There really is an end, and it marks the true beginning of our eternal life.  Given the eternal perspective, these small but painful bends in the road of our lives here on earth are in fact minor switchbacks on the road home. 

 

And so, I offer a prayer, for myself and for you.  Heavenly Father, guide us along the pathways of our life.  Help us to realize that we are never alone and that with your help there is nothing that we will face on our journey that we cannot overcome if we but ask for your assistance.  Infuse in our hearts the true belief in Your love for us that the plan You have for our lives is a plan to prosper us and bring us home to You forever.

 

 

 

Christine-

This was a tough week.  Looking at one piece at a time, it was not that bad and yet when I look back and reflect on all of the pieces I understand why I am once again emotionally exhausted.  The week opened with us waiting to hear from a dear friend as to what the doctors has determined was the reason that her son could not walk – even though he had experienced no injury.  I lived through that feeling of the other shoe is going to drop at any moment – had a lot of that last year and was really not that fond of it.  When Kevin and I both heard that Cole was walking with difficulty and on some days not able to walk, our first question was, “Is Cole sleeping through the night?”  Thankfully he was and yet what was wrong?   Little Cole is doing better.  He is not experiencing as many problems, though nothing specific has been diagnosed and fortunately many of the “worse case scenarios” have been ruled out.

That was the early part of the week.  The end of the week also involved some doctor visits.  Thursday was my visit to the Orthopedist, I have been having difficulty walking or bearing weight on my left heal for some time.  Like Cole, I have no known injury, just pain.  I, too, when not an emotional wreck, am sleeping through the night.  It turns out that I have a heal spur and given two months and ice, everything may work itself out, otherwise there is a plan B.  Friday, was M.E.’s three year old trip to the doctor.  It should have been no problem but just prior to leaving for the doctor she walked straight into a wall causing a really profuse bloody nose.  Off to the doctors we went with a child covered in blood.

Through the waiting rooms and blood the memories of last summer came back very intensely.  Then the rest of the day Friday it was one Caring Bridge update after another from our dear friends at St. Jude that sent me into an emotional roller coaster.  How do I just stop reading the updates?  How do I just walk away from these people and their children?  If God has placed me in their lives and placed cancer in our lives, in my life, isn’t there a reason?  Aren’t I or we to do something?  Are we doing what we are supposed to be doing through Catie’s Wish?  I pray that we are.

Tonight Kevin and I went out on a date.  We went to the movies.  Can you guess what we saw?  How well have you gotten to know us?  We saw MY SISTER’S KEEPER.  I have never before watched a movie and looked at the EXIT sign at the same time.  The hospital scenes were hard for me.  Even seeing the equipment was unsettling.  Seeing the relationships unfold and getting to know the family members – understanding them and identifying with them was unnerving.  Feeling their pain, their sadness, their anger, their fight, the impact of one life on so many others I found myself being grateful for what we had.  Even though it was a short eight months it was ours and I will always cherish it and be grateful for all who shared it with us.  Tears fell and yet I was not empty, somehow I was renewed.  The movie ended with a question or a hope…someday I will see my sister again.  For this I know is true with Catie, not just true for me but for all of us.  I am so grateful for this truth – grateful to God, my Almighty Father. Amen.

May God bless you and the work of your hands,

 

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Catie, Mia, Molly, and M.E.

 

PS – we just received news that Mary Coffey needs your prayers NOW.  The doctors are out of options and only a miracle will save her.  Please pray to Catie now to intercede with God for little Mary as soon as you receive this email.  With all of us praying, Mary can be saved.  Thank you.

 

The Perfect Day?

Wednesday, 08 July 2009 20:27 Christine
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Yesterday was a lovely summer day.  The weather was worthy of celebrating – sunny, cloudless, warm with a delightful breeze – with a picnic or some fun outside activity.  We quickly prepared a picnic and went to a local park for dinner and fun.  Kevin entertained most of the children at the Fun Fort with a good game of capture the flag.  As the number of children increased he could not keep the jail full for more than five minutes as someone was always there to free the captives.  Finally, one of the other children volunteered their father to help Kevin.  After several hours it was time to go home where we all enjoyed a wonderful sunset and organic popsicles on the patio.  M.E. loves the sunset so very much.  She squeals in delight at the beauty that she is convinced Catie creates just for us each evening.

During the day yesterday even the children were just like the weather - perfect.  Everyone was ready for swim team in the morning and behaved well at Mass.  Chores were done completely and without being asked.  Naps were taken and M.E. wore cotton pants all day with no accidents.  After 11 ½ years are diapers a thing of our past?  The school packets were worked on and no complaints were heard.  Kevin drove a great deal, over 600 miles, to enjoy a part of our day.  Last night after showers and prayers everyone crawled into bed feeling loved and happy.  Sleep came quickly for everyone.

As Kevin was leaving very early in the morning for his next tour of stores, this time in the Bronx, we went to bed early and were both sleeping before 11.  By midnight I was back awake.  I began with prayers hoping the peace would be found and sleep would return.  Instead I found that I was not able to concentrate so I began praying the rosary hoping the rhythm and repetition of the Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s would bring either the desired sleep or the needed peace.  Soon I realized that tears were pouring out of my eyes.  How could I even believe for one minute that I had just spent a perfect day when Catie was not with us?  How would anything ever be perfect again?

With each question more tears and sobs poured out of me and I attempted to leave our room without waking Kevin.  He lay exhausted in our bed snoring like a hibernating bear.  As soon as I sat up there he was wide awake asking where I was going and wondering why I was crying.  My reply was simply that he needed sleep to drive and I was sad.  He told me that God would take care of him tomorrow but that I needed him now and that he was there for me.  As though my body was waiting for permission from Kevin to cry; the downpour began.  There were moments when no words were discernable due to the tears and sniffing and yet through it all Kevin held me.  Though from time to time I did get mad at him for not being upset and sad – “Catie was your daughter too!  Don’t you miss her?  Isn’t life forever altered for you too?  Am I the only one who is sad any longer?”  Those are not fair questions and yet they are feelings that I have when I am sad.  Does this make sense?

It is a strategy.  One that I learned from Molly and Catie, every morning when I brush the girl’s hair Maggie, Mia and M.E. all pull away from me as the knots are brushed out.  This causes their hair to be pulled even more but for some reason they can’t help it.  I could be more gentle and slower but there are five, I mean four heads to do.  Catie and Molly are different.  Each time I would brush their hair – both Catie and Molly have a ton of very fine hair which tangles very easily – they would hug me and get closer to me.  Kevin once observed that they were very intelligent in their response as I was the enemy and they were “keeping their friends close and their enemies closer”.  How does this fit with how I treated Kevin?  Well it is not the same strategy but what I was doing and the questions that I was asking Kevin were a strategy. 

When I am so upset I just long to be not upset and that is why I begin to question Kevin.  If I can upset him then I will not be alone – phase one – someone will share in my sadness.  But also, if I can get Kevin upset then maybe just maybe I can comfort him and in order to comfort him I would have to let go of my sadness over my need to comfort the man I love – phase two.  The problem with Kevin is that he loves me and cares for me so much that he would never feel more strongly about his own loss and grief in the midst of helping me as I struggle for my own loss and grief over Catie.  In many ways this could make me feel worse than I already do but it doesn’t.  I mean who is that mature and loving, that they feel the pain of another over their own feelings – not me.  Then Kevin reminded me last night that it was in my denying that Catie’s death was even possible that helped Catie to stay so positive and so focused on others and not herself during her own illness.  All last year I, according to Kevin, was that mature and loving mother to Catie feeling more strongly about how she felt than I did as her mother.  Now I am still grieving, as only in Catie’s death and since her birthday in April have I allowed myself the luxury, if you will, of thinking of my own feelings and the impact of Catie’s death on our family.

Looking back to last year at this time, today was our first day at St. Jude.  Catie was exhausted and hungry when we arrived at the hospital at 1pm.  She had stayed up all night or until 3am visiting with my parents and brothers the night before we left.  She ate Dunkin Donuts at 3am and who was hungry enough to eat on a 6am flight.   Once we arrived at St. Jude we quickly walked through the Kay Kafe and I knew that Catie would never eat the food that they offered her.  When we left for St. Jude and the entire time we were there I never let Catie feel like she was going to die.  Death was not even an option and neither was feeling sorry for yourself.  Catie was sick we both knew that, but we had faith and were going to do all that we had to do to beat the odds (this was kind of easy because there were no odds).  She had brain cancer and yet I felt it would be best for Catie to feel strong and not feel sorry for herself or to pity herself.  Was it easy for Catie to have cancer?  No, but what good would feeling sorry for herself do for Catie or anyone.  What good would pity do Catie?  We could see the look in people’s eyes when they looked at Catie and we returned every look with a smile.  In many cases this disarmed people, maybe they wondered what we knew that they didn’t? 

All we knew then, is all we know now.  “In you, my God, I place my trust.” (Psalm 91)  Several years ago Kevin listened to a wonderful book on CD called Lead Like Jesus.  It is really terrific and worth the time to listen to or read.  One of the stories in the book is about a woman who as a young girl desires to go away overnight to camp.  Her father, feeling that she is too young asked her to memorize several bible quotes (15, I think).  If she is able to do this then he would, seeing her determination and obedience, permit her to go away to camp.  Well after several weeks she completed her part and memorized each quote which her father gave her, and as the story went she didn’t have the nerve to spend one full night at camp.   However, even to the day the book was written those quotes have remained with her.  She goes on to tell that when certain difficulties came her way, like the unexpected death of her husband at a young age, it was these quotes that gave her the strength to continue.

Remembering this, last night I rolled over so that Kevin could return to sleep and I continued to tear for the rest of the night but was able to recall the 23rd Psalm.

 

The Lord is my shepherd;

there is nothing I lack.

In green pastures you let me graze;

to safe waters you lead me;

you restore my strength.

You guide me along the right path

for the sake of your name.

Even when I walk through a dark valley,

I fear no harm for you are at my side;

your rod and staff give me courage.

You set a table before me

as my enemies watch;

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Only goodness and love will pursue me

all the days of my life;

I will dwell in the house of the LORD

for years to come.

 

Everyone who has faith in Jesus Christ understands how these words provide comfort to them.  To me these words, and many others in the Bible, offer a road map.  I am not Job – everything is not being taken away from me.  Catie was not taken from me – though she is not here.  It is not Catie that I am missing it is her physical body that I am missing – I need more faith and more trust to understand and accept this, please pray for me. 

Then it dawns on me that one of Catie’s wishes, to be the Patron Saint of Pediatric Illness, would never come to be if I held her here.  I know of many children who are still sick and fighting for their lives and they need miracles, healings, and prayers.  What they really need, may be, Catie can give them through interceding on their behalf.  Peace comes over me as I realize that I would much rather Catie be with little Mary Coffey, and her friends from St. Jude who are still in treatment – Elizabeth, Trevor, Jack, Brayden, Tala and Jonah and those who have finished treatment like Marit and Hunter and those from St. Jude who we have learned about through Caring Bridge like Ellie, Dax, Christian and Syndey.  If Catie being in heaven can do anything to help those children I am at peace.  If Catie being in heaven means that one less parent will cry themselves to sleep, as they long for their child, as Regina and I do than I am comforted.

I believe in Jesus’ promise.  I know that He has conquered death and “I will dwell in the house of the Lord for years to come.”  Amen!  Will this be my last day of sorrow?  I would like it to be, that much crying and not sleeping is exhausting.  Will I ever be able to say that any day is perfect?  There is always hope.

May each of you find and commit to memory one Bible quote to sustain you in difficult times or on a positive note, assist you in worshipping God with praise for the many blessings He has shared with you.  Please feel free to share your quotes with us.

Peace be with you all,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly and M.E.

 


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